Missing you...

Hi Mom- I know it's been a while since I've posted...it's been hard without you here. I've had a difficult time lately, and I miss you so much. I don't think I'll ever stop missing you so much and it hurts. I've started going to a grief support group and it's helped me in so many ways....I know you can see it. It has helped me deal with everything rather than push it aside, and I realized I can't do it on my own anymore. It's once a week and the people there have all gone through a loss so they know what I'm experiencing. It makes me feel so much better when I leave so I've made it a priority every week to go. It's at a church, and some work friends belong to the church so the kids and I went last weekend. They loved it and I did too! I think it'll be the church we attend regularly, and I'm excited about it! Everyone there has been so friendly and helpful....I really feel good about what lies ahead for us there :) I got some great news a few weeks ago...I GOT IN TO GRAD SCHOOL! I know you would be so excited to know that, and I know what you'd say...'I told you Kathleen Marie! I knew you'd get in!' I really wish I could hear you say it but I know you're just as happy as I am! I need something positive to look forward to and focus on. I will see where it takes me, but I think I'd like to focus on pulmoary medicine in your honor. I promise to make you proud...I'll be a doctor of nurse practioner when I'm done!!! You can tell all your friends your daughter is a doctor! :) It's SO wonderful having Dad here...I don't want him to leave us :( I know he'll be back in the fall, but I appreciate his presence so much. Not to mention he's SO helpful! I tell people he's the husband I never had...but he's my dad. The kids ADORE him and love every minute with him. And I love having someone to talk to when I come home. I think he likes being here too...he stays busy! The kids and I keep him on his toes! He cooks, he put up wall decorations for me, he drives the kids to school if I'm working....he's amazing! I know why you loved him as much as you did....and I love him even more (if that's even possible!) for the wonderful husband he was to you, and the wonderful dad & papa he is to me, Charlie & Madeline. Maria & Rachel came to visit and it was the best visit I've had in a while! It was so great to see them, and I got to see Kymm more too. We went to a spring training game (SOX vs CUBS) and laid out by the pool. We laughed alot, I cried alot. They all were wonderful and supportive....thank God for dear, old friendships! It was a great weekend!! Dad visited Mary that weekend, and is going again this weekend. He's planning on seeing Peter too. It's so good for him to be close to both of us, and he got to see Michael on his way out here too! I know Mary is coming to visit for Easter, and I will have the kids so it'll be a great Easter weekend! We got to visit Aunt Kathy & Uncle Rick while they were visiting Nancy & Dave in Prescott a few weeks ago. It was a fun afternoon-Nancy & Dave have an awesome house! And I had such a great time with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Rick....I sure do miss my family. I love visits and hope we can make it to Chicago this summer to see everyone. Work is good...have learned so much and am looking forward to learning more. It's been busy so I've been able to work overtime recently which is always nice. Easter isn't as expensive as Christmas but I'd still like it to be awesome for the kids so I'm trying to work as much as possible to make that happen :) Jimmy & Amy had a little boy who is as sweet as can be...Oliver James! He's adorable and we can't wait to meet him! I absolutely LOVE his name...and he weighed the exact same as Charlie did! If that is a sign of anything, they'll have their hands full!! Sarah is pregnant! How wonderful is that? I'm so excited for her, Alex, & Max! I can't wait to meet their new bundle of joy! Christy & Frank had their 3rd son...Michael Stephen. Another beautiful baby boy for them :) Lots of positive things going on recently....God's work is amazing, huh? I had a patient come your way on the kids birthday, Mom. I know you welcomed her into paradise, and I hope you are friends. She is an amazing, beautiful woman just like you (and she liked wine!) so I can just imagine you became fast friends! I'll see her family at her service this week, and I hope I'll hold up ok. The kids party went off without a hitch and they had a fabulous time...they got a TON of stuff! Everyone was so generous and they are still infatuated with all their new toys! We missed you so much this year, Mom... I talk to you everyday, and think of you all the time. On my way home from work I don't call anyone because that was our time to talk. I find myself crying more now than before, and I don't know why that is...maybe because it's setting in that I don't have you to call anymore. Maybe I'm starting to feel that you're not here and I dont like it, not at all. I miss you so much it hurts my soul and when I need you here I feel so alone. This sucks and I hate it, but I know it will get better. I know you are so happy and that helps me get through this. I just miss you so very very much. I can't wait for the day we meet again and I can hug you and we can rejoice in all God's glory in Heaven! I love you, MOM! Thinking of you, loving you, and missing you...see you in my dreams! xoxo, katy