Hard day at work but surrounded by laughter

Mom,



I made this blog so I can talk to you as much as I used to...I know you're still here with me. I miss you so very much, as you know, and long for the day when we can meet and talk again. Till then, I have this...



I've picked up some shifts to keep myself busy and keep money coming in. I'm hoping to get home next month to help Dad go through your stuff and then he's planning on driving back with me. The kids are excited, but think you're coming too...I've told them you're with baby Jesus and Maddie says "Gramma is looking for Baby Jesus? It's his birthday!" :) I showed them the video Meg made, and Maddie said "She was a princess!" . I said, "Of course she was, Madeline!".

I joined the gym in hopes to channel my energy in a positive way, and it has a great play area for the kids! They love going and playing on the computer and in the bounce house. And it helps me relieve stress and emotions, which I need right now. We also went to see 'Tangled' and went to the park...you'd be so proud that I used my free movie tickets from Mayo, and tried to save some money!!!

I talk to Dad often, and I told him he can't pass the phone off anymore when I call! He seems to keep busy and everyone has been great about having him over for dinner. We have talked about him living with the kids and I, and we are all excited to have Papa here with us when the time is right.

Michael called last week and we talked for a while, and Mary called too. We're hoping to see each other soon, and if Dad's out here for Easter hopefully we'll spend it together. I've already figured out how we'll live in my apartment until we can get back into my house and I'm sure it'll all work out perfectly and we'll all be happy together!

I've applied for dayshift at work (I know you'll be happy to hear that!) and should find out next week if it'll happen. If not, that's ok...I do like working with everyone on the night shift. But I think days will be nice to be on the same schedule with the kids.

Charlie & Madeline are doing great in school, and continue to learn so much! They always tell me all about their days, and share with each other what they did in class. They made the cutest presents for me for Christmas, and were the highlight of the holiday. They loved all the clothes you and Dad sent...thank you for being so good to them!!

There was a patient who was pretty sick at work today, and their family knew it was best he come to you and the rest of the crew in heaven. He wasn't my patient, but I was sitting right next to the heart monitor for the unit so I had to watch as he slipped from his family to meet God today. It was so difficult because I remember standing at your bedside watching the monitor as you slipped away into paradise....and I cried. I cried for his family because I know how much it hurts even though it was the best thing for him. I cried because my heart aches and I want you here with me. I know it's selfish, Mom, but I just miss you more than you could ever know. I watch the video often and look at your pictures daily. I often grab the phone to call you and bitch about something but quickly realize I can't do that anymore. I want to hug you and hear your voice and your laugh. I want you to call me KATHLEEN MARIE (even though I detest it!) and help me figure things out. I started dreaming about you recently, and it seems like we fight when I meet you in my dreams. I hope and pray you are not angry with me, and know I tried to keep you comfortable as you met your parents and the rest of the people as you went to heaven. I fought for you and tried to help everyone understand what was going on in that room. I know you know I was there...I told you I loved you while I held your hand, and I will never forget you looking into my eyes telling me you loved me too. I am so thankful I said that in that moment. I know you are always with me, and I see you everyday in my kids.
Your service was beyond amazing, and left us all in awe. We all knew how wonderful you were, and so did everyone who ever met you, and those who knew you through any of us. There was a line outside the funeral home and as you could have guessed I chose the wrong shoes for the event (but they looked good!). Meg made the most amazing video, and Kel and Erin did a fabulous job making posterboards of every aspect of your life. It was so evident that you were loved and adored by everyone who had the honor of meeting you. I wasn't surprised in the least...my feet weren't happy but my heart was knowing your life was honored by all those who knew you. I left Charlie & Madeline's birth pictures, a picture of the 3 of us as our new family, and my Irish caladaugh ring (since I got in Ireland and you hadn't been there yet) with you so you will always remember how much you are loved. And so you never forget us....

Please know I am very well supported by friends, near and far. Lifelong friends supported me while I was home (they got me there!), and new found friends and coworkers have offered help and more to get me through this difficult time. I am overwhelmed by the love I feel from everyone. But most importantly our family is supporting each other. You would be so proud and happy at the things that have transpired, Mom. I know you know what I'm talking about, and I just wish you were here to see it. But you will, someday, and we'll all be together and happy whenever that may be. I love you, miss you, and long to see you again....talk soon! xoxo, Katy